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Who am I again?

16 Nov

I got married… and I’ve needed a little decompressing time from all the stress and craziness that is planning a wedding, meaning I haven’t done a lot of talking about it. Yet.

But, there’s still one thing that lingers, one thing that I haven’t gotten done (beside mailing out my addressed and sealed thank you cards, oops), and that’s figuring out what to do with my last name. I signed my marriage certificate Megan Stecker. Let’s all just take a minute to really roll that around in our mouths. Megan. Stecker. It’s got the same first letters as Stout, but feels so absolutely foreign when paired with my name.

My whole life I thought I would keep my maiden name, that I would remain a strong woman that never changes her identity for anyone. Well that anyone happened to be Christian and after 24 years of believing to the contrary, I’m not keeping my name. But, I also haven’t change it. Yet. I can’t seem to find the will power to change my name and leave Stout behind. To say goodbye to all the “Ah, you must love beer” comments and references to a good Guinness when people read my name tag. It feels like I’m saying au revoir to a piece of me, severing the connection to my family and leaving behind years of steadfast stoutness.

Most of the girls I know that have gotten married, logged onto Facebook and swapped their name the day after their wedding in hysterical jubilation. It’s been over a month and I’m still hesitant to even pull that trigger. None of this is because I don’t love Christian or that I’m having doubts about our relationship. It’s all change, and change is hard for me.

I promised Christian that I would work on changing my name the week of Thanksgiving. That’s next week. Seriously? And, I’m still having a hard time fully embracing it.  Did you change your name when you got married? Was it hard or easy? I’d love to know!

*Image by: Paul Watson

The girl.

25 Oct

I miss the girl that…

giggled and gasped and let herself be ridiculous

was allowed to be lost and not yet found

had an unbroken heart and naïve will

thought things could stay the way they were – forever

knew anything was possible

sparkled

I love the girl that…

smiles that genuine smile

tries, cries and tries again

spills flour on the floor and gets batter on her forehead

sings “somewhere over the rainbow” entirely out of key

hopes and dreams

refuses to put herself in a box

is learning to stand up and be brave

I look forward to the girl that…

learns to love herself for who she is

finds her key to happiness

devotes and praises

loves a timeless love

accepts the things she cannot change

makes mistakes and lets herself be forgiven

What not to type into Google.

11 Oct

Saturday, Christian and I were at our neighborhood (we have a neighborhood now!!) Ace Hardware looking at baskets of mum’s for the wedding and a garden sprayer attachment for the hose. Well, that’s what we were suppose to be looking at… but we all know, you take a man into a hardware store and you’ll be hard pressed to A.) leave within an hour and B.) to leave with only what was on the list.

While meandering through the store we happen upon their summer patio furniture clearance. How we missed the 50% off the past 412 times we’ve been in there over the past month is beyond me, but we found it this time nonetheless. All the beautiful, wonderful, can seat more than 2.5 people patio sets were calling our names and coincidentally had also already been sold. Those “SOLD” signs taunting us from the top of each wonderful table top.

In order to combat the sadness that enveloped us after such a discouraging find, Christian set off (knight to the rescue!) to see if they had anymore in back. He hunted high and low and, after collaborating with several hard-working Ace employees, determined that we were out of luck — except on the off-chance that one of the other stores nearby still happened to have one. Which, as I’m sure you can guess, meant that Christian was off to the races once again looking up the other Ace locations as well as Big Tool Box (another hardware store nearby).

I’d had about enough hardware/man store in my life for the day and wandered off to look at the pretty things a few isles over. After exhausting all things sparkly (which happens to be relatively little in a store primarily packed with tools) I made my way back to Christian only to see him still deep in thought while researching potential table outlets on his phone. As I inched my way closer he took one second to glance up with the most serious of serious expressions plastered on his face… only to mumble “Don’t ever look up Big Tool in Google”, and walk away. Apparently it scarred him enough that he wanted to save me the horror. After that little hiccup I pried him out the doors only 10 minutes later in place of the normal 40. He may have irremovable images of man parts floating through his brain, but I saved myself the extra tool store suffering. I’m calling it a win for this team.

It’s like a fairy tale… only better.

8 Oct

I’m getting married today. To the man that I love. To this man:

I get this feeling inside. This warm, overarching feeling. A feeling that tells me you’re right, that we’re right – wrapping and intertwining itself around me. My day is spent with sudden longings for you, remembrances of moments and an excitement that reaches my toes. You’re it for me. I love you and there are days when it’s so overwhelming I can’t even put it into words. I want you for forever, for eternity. I want to grow with you, know you deeper than I ever thought I would and love you more than we thought possible.

To the rest of my life? Yes, please! Hooray!

*Image by: All Things Homie

In the blink of an eye.

3 Oct

Oh, hi, fall. You’re here already? Pretty sure I just blinked my left eye and it was the 4th of July, so where the heck did you come from? Maybe if I blink my right eye tomorrow will be Christmas? I’m guessing this will probably happen regardless of whether I blink an eye, take a nap or click my ruby shoes together. Time flies when you’re having fun, er, are busy.

I love fall and I’m saying my pretty prayers that the leaves keep them selves stuck to tree branches around here for another week to make for a lovely fall wedding, and so I can enjoy it afterwards! The details, final touches and everything else feels like they might finally be falling into place for the big day. And, I’m just going to say it… I’M GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEK! And, I couldn’t be happier.

Wedding Bell Anxiety.

2 Sep

With C and I’s wedding happening next month you could say that the stress level around here is running just a touch high. My mom can’t sleep because she worries about everything that needs to get done, everyone coming into town and the limited time we have left to get it all done. I can’t sleep at night… adding, deleting and reviewing my, what seems to be, never ending list of things to order, things to do, and things to make. At 12 am, trying to determine just the right amount of flowers for the centerpieces and the color of shoes to go under my dress just seems vitally important and sleep can wait.

But, none of this beats the anxiety that my Dad is experiencing. Not only is he worried about how I’m getting down the aisle, how he’s getting down the aisle, who’s pushing the wheel chair and whether or not he’ll stand up… he’s dreaming about it too. Not any dream, mind you. A dream, that I believe, would be haunting for any man. It went a little something like this:

My Dad: You think you’ve got it bad, I’ve been dreaming about the wedding.

My Mom: Really?

My Dad: Yeah……. Only in my dream…. I’m the bride. And, no one is showing up for the wedding. I repeatedly ask why no one is showing up and finally find out it’s because they’re charging $22.50 per plate to come. It was awful.

My Mom: <insert hysterical laughter>

It puts it all into perspective. My dad is dreaming about being the bride, which is not only slightly disturbing, but also not a particularly attractive image. I’m not sure any of the other details can top that.

 

25 before I’m 25 – Fail.

16 Aug

So, I’m 25. The whole birthday thing happened last week and I’ve put off going through my 25 before I’m 25 list because, well, I didn’t do them all. 5 years ago all I would have wanted for my birthday was to go out, party, and have a night to remember with my friends. Now, all I wanted was a night, at home, doing nothing but relaxing. Maybe that’s the wedding planning/house buying craziness talking, but maybe it’s not. We had hamburgers and strawberry shortcake. It was the perfect in every way.

I originally posted about my 25 before I’m 25 list in 2010 and gave ‘er a little update in February 2011. Below is the final summary of what got done, and, um, what didn’t. About half made it to fruition and the other half of the list was a major fail. Everything on this list is still something I want to do, it just wasn’t in the cards for the year before I turned 25.

  1. Spend a week on a beach. Any beach. Unplugged. - Ok, I didn’t do this… but I’m going to be heading to a beach on my honeymoon. That counts right?
  2. Re-work the design of this site. - Done.
  3. Read 12 books, one per month. - Done. I think I read maybe 50 books this year, and totally underestimated my reading abilities.
  4. Post 100 times… 30 will, hopefully, be cranked out in November. - Well, I quit Nablopomo… and fell of the wagon when things got hectic this spring. Fail.
  5. Be healthy. Get back to working out and eating well. - Done. I think I’ve done this. I’ve been working out, trying to eat better and trying to slim down for the wedding.
  6. Try yoga. - Fail.
  7. Take cooking classes. - Fail.
  8. Schedule time for myself each week. - I would say I did this about 50% of the time. While I crave alone time, I’m too much of a do-er and end up finding things to do in place of “me time”.
  9. Find a classy purse that suits me. And buy it. - I bought a lovely gray purse off Etsy! Double done.
  10. Be able to do 10 push ups. - I can’t do 10, but I can see myself getting stronger and dipping lower and lower. Score!
  11. Attend Canvas and Cocktails. - I have a gift card but haven’t used it, yet. I’m halfway there.
  12. Smile more often — especially at strangers. - Some days this is a go, other days this is a fail. Check Denver traffic to see which day we’re on.
  13. Fix Charles. Surgery and all. - Done and done.
  14. Be happy. So much of it is in my control. - Done.
  15. Pick a cookbook and make all the recipes – except the ones with mushrooms or other inedible objects. – I’ve got cookbook commitment issues. Sue Me. Fail.
  16. Tell everyone I love, why I love them. - An everyday goal… and one that will always be in progress. Done.
  17. Send more mail. Cards, packages, random gifts. - I sent and gave lots of gifts, card and random little mementos this year. Done.
  18. Stay up late drinking wine and talking, even though I have to work the next day. - Done, done, done… too many times to count.
  19. Buy a pair of *perfect* boots for winter. - I bought a pair… but my calves rebelled and wouldn’t allow the zipper up. So technically, done?
  20. Spend a weekend in the mountains with friends. - Done.
  21. Buy something from Etsy for someone and for my house. - Done. I bought magnets at Christmas for friends (and a necklace)… and a purse for me!
  22. Develop my favorite pictures and hang them up. - Fail.
  23. Be a positive impact. Be aware of what I do, what I listen to and how I behave. You never know who you’re impacting. - Always a work in progress.
  24. Eat locally and naturally. Try to buy local and eat out at local restaurants. - Doing better at this. I love me some local food, and have tried to spend my money where it counts.
  25. Stop to smell the flowers. This year flew by and I was constantly caught up in the day-to-day. I want to remember to take it one step at a time and pause to enjoy it! - Well, I’m planning a wedding and buying a house. I haven’t had much time to stop and smell the flowers. Have to mark this one as a work in progress.

Maybe the next list should be a 30 before I’m 30. That way I have five years. Meaning I’ll either have plenty of time to get all 30 things done OR I’ll totally forget about it until the last day that I’m 20. There’s probably and equally good chance it could go either way!

*Image by Jonty Wareing

Indulge me just for a second.

9 Aug

Charles, my sweet and cantankerous little dog, did something so precious that I just can’t keep it to myself any longer. This may officially make me a crazy dog mom, and I will happily accept the label.

This past Sunday morning, Charles brought my mom flowers. Yes, you read that correctly… he brought her flowers. He went outside and dragged them up from the garden, through the dog gate, up the stairs and planted them firmly inside her bedroom door. He then proceeded to sit by them and waited for her. And, as anyone would, she took a picture.

Come on, it’s cute, right? I heart that little man. With my whole heart. Even if he looks like he has a lazy eye and is in desperate need of a bath. Maybe next time he’ll pick some flowers for me?

 

 

The Full 100.

8 Aug

Typically I don’t share my workouts because they aren’t very exciting and I’m 90% sure they wouldn’t be interesting or helpful to anyone… but I was feeling fairly ambitious the other day. I knocked out the first level of Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred and decided that level 2 sounded too boring to try. Instead of calling it quits I turned to the 100 workout I’ve seen making its way around the interwebs. Why not. Counting is easy enough. If you haven’t seen the workout, here it is:

It seemed to be lacking overall upper body components, so I just added my own in with hand weights. Here’s what I did:

100 Jumping Jacks
90 Abs (30 crunches, 30 reverse crunches, 30 bicycle crunches)
80 Squats (20 normal squats with hammer curls, 20 chair squats with reverse fly, 20 sumo squats with tricep extensions, 20 normal squats with press-outs)
70 Leg Lifts (morphed into 70 standing pike crunches – my legs are lifting so it counts)
60 Jumping Jacks
50 Abs (15 crunches, 15 reverse crunches, 20 bicycle crunches)
40 Squats (Same as above only do 10 instead of 20 for each)
30 Leg Lifts (aka Standing Pike Crunches)
20 Jumping Jacks
10 Minutes of Running

It helped to add in the upper body and definitely increased the difficulty of the work-out and kept me from getting bored doing 120 squats. I’ll definitely put this workout on repeat and use it when traveling. Easy to do in your room!

Let them eat cake.

5 Aug

Let’s talk cake here for a second. I love cake. There are a lot of people out there that don’t really care for cake (ahem, my father) and would rather settle of a DQ ice cream cone. I am not one of them. Me + cake = heavenly love forever. So as I mentioned earlier that we were going to be doing cake tastings I was nothing but ecstatic about the venture. Think this through with me, free cake, lots of flavors of cake, free, I get to try them. Um, hello, why have I not thought of this before?

So, last Saturday Christian, my mom and I embarked on our Colorado Springs cake tasting spree. We first stopped at Boonzaaijers Dutch Bakery… their vanilla raspberry cake blew my mind. It was delicious, sugary, and so so good. However, the rest of the flavors didn’t really jive with my high cake expectations. But don’t worry, it wasn’t time to fret because we had two more stops before we were going to throw in the cake tasting towel.

Next up Marvels Cake Boutique. Now, not to sound too high maintenance, but I was instantly thrilled that we each got our own bites to taste as opposed to sharing a small piece among the three of us. More cake for me, heck yes! We love, love, loved the spice cake (and what could be more perfect for a fall wedding, nothing you say? I agree). My mom got chills up her spine when we tried the almond (hello, yum). We decided that the chocolate and red velvet were winners as well. By the end of the tasting I was so full that I honestly felt that if I had one more bite of anything I might explode, or die. Do you ever get that full? On top of the immense fullness going on in my abdominal region the sugar coma, must nap now stage of the afternoon was in full swing.

Though I was borderline catatonic, the decision couldn’t be made just yet. While Marvels upped the ante, we had to be certain that there wasn’t another cake out there with our names on it. So, that’s just what we did.

Little London Cake Shoppe here we come (if not a little more haggard that when we started out). They handed us a box full of cake. Not a few slices, but a box, which I promptly forgot to take a picture of. At any other phase in my life I would have been overwhelmed by cake joy, but the thought of having to try 14 more cake flavors and two frostings had my hurl meter beeping at high alert. I never thought I would say it, but I couldn’t fathom putting another piece of cake into my mouth.

But, I bet you can guess what I did. I put 14 more bites of cake in my mouth, followed by 2 more bites of frosting. It was delicious, or as delicious as cake can be after eating it for hours on end. From there I proceeded to swear off cake for life and try to talk Christian in to serving a veggie tray with sprinkles at the wedding in place of the sweet, debilitating cake we ate all afternoon. It was a no go, but worth a shot anyways.

After some long and hard discussion, we’ve made the decision to go with Marvels — but the flavor combinations? Top secret. On another note, my birthday is next week and I feel deeply saddened to think I may not be able to eat cake… I’m crossing my fingers that my cake appetite returns in the next few days. Not that I’ll complain if we end up eating Strawberries and whipped cream — my new addiction.

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