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Alley Crap Update.

22 Apr

In case you are unaware of the Alley Crap series… here is where it started.

I want you all to know that I am highly dedicated to keeping you in the loop with all the treasures my alley provides. And let me tell you there are treasures a plenty this week. I would love to show them to you and offer them up to the highest bidder, BUT my neighbor (the one that provides us with entertainment via his hoarder tendencies and alley gifts) must sense that I want to take pictures of his goods… because I’ve tried 3 different times to get pictures of the stick piles and TINY lawn chair that have taken up residence outside my garage, and each and every time I whip out the iPhone he comes around the corner eying me suspiciously.

I immediately start talking into my phone and glancing around as if I were lost… or looking for my mind, which conveniently I must have left right back inside my house. I then turn abruptly and leave. He is lurking. I know it. He just waits for me to go out there and try to take a picture. He’s watching. Maybe he thinks I’m a rogue, undercover agent ready to bust him for his very public destruction of our alley. I look secret agent. I really do.

You’re totally not intimidated. Whatever.

Anyways, that’s why you haven’t gotten any new photos or product offerings. The End.

P.S. I promise to work on my rogue, undercover, secret agent skills and get you something good. Have a little faith will ya? Or I’ll go back to talking about how to turn your panties into art.

Update: The TINY lawn chair has disappeared. Sigh.

Something New

7 Apr

As I’ve mentioned… I’ve moved downtown, well almost. And there are many things that come with living downtown: homeless folk, trash, traffic, alleys, trash in alleys, booze bottles in alleys (like the one pictured below), hoarder neighbors, amongst so many other things.

Sorry for the quality -- the iPhone just didn't cut it today.

Over the past 2+ months that we’ve lived here I’ve noticed a little something with our back neighbor. He or she (haven’t actually seen or met them) is a hoarder. They have a covered and fenced in back garage that is literally STUFFED with crap.  I can sometimes see it’s wondrousness through the cracks in the gate. One time they left the gate open, but I didn’t have a camera to capture it in all of its disgusting glory.

Each week our little neighbor unpacks a bit of his death hole garage/porch/rats nest and drops it off in the alley. One week it was a ratty recliner from somewhere near 1970 with yellow, green and orange stripes and rips that added a touch of rustic charm. Last week it was a series of warped, faded and dying tables. A dining room table, a few coffee tables, and something that can only be described as  a decorative side table designed by Quasi Moto. They all disappear eventually. I’m not sure if someone with terrible taste/desperate need for ugly additions picks them up or if the trash man just gets as sick of seeing them as I do. Regardless, they all leave and are almost immediately replaced by something else.

So, today I am here to offer you a set of three printers. They may have sat out in a snow storm and have  few functional power outlets. I can’t guarantee their productivity or their ability to actually print, but if you are looking for a printer to really make an impression I have got the one for you. Better act quick before someone nabs these little gems.

They happen to be situated next to a trash can and a wicked classy set of vehicles. The first has been here, front window rolled down and all from the beginning. It has survived, in this state, a plethora of snow storms, rain amongst other lovely weather conditions. Plus, its “chocolate and steel” color combinations make me swoon on a daily basis.

The second is clearly a work van used for a local photography company. If you are looking for someone to photograph your family picnic, a reunion, your engagement party or even the birth of your first child I have a sneaking suspicion that they may be available. Please call the number listed in the photo for further information.

And for a closer shot on the phone number — because the typography is truly a work to admire:

I’ll keep you updated each week as more treasures find their way into my alley. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be as fascinated by these hoarders as I am. I think I’ll start a new series… called “Alley Crap” with updates as they happen.

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