I don’t remember the first time I saw/heard/encountered the idea of pairing my first name with the last name of my crush (ahem, one true love) at the time… but I remember thinking that 1.) it was a genius idea, 2.) that it was something only to be done where no one could see and 3.) that I couldn’t tell anyone I had ever thought about it let alone done it.

Megan Stout

Megan Johnson

Megan _________?

I’d write it in varying formats – print, cursive, block letters, fancy, messy and in any combination, only to scribble it out so hard that my pen rapidly tore holes in the lined notebook paper. Even though the names were scribbled beyond any hope of recognition, it couldn’t be risked, and that same lined paper found its way into the trash can next to my desk. Shredded and torn to little pieces.

Many, many years later I sit at the table observing a recent form I signed for Royal Crest (to get or not to get milk from the milk man?) and notice my signature. M. Stecker. And, you know what? It’s totally cool. I don’t have to scribble it out, tear it up or keep it a secret from anyone. I’m ALLOWED to see what my name looks like with my, no longer just a crush, husband’s last name. My 14 year old self would be so shocked.

It’s funny the things you think about when you’re young and suddenly determine that you’ve realized those very day dreams. Here’s to my new signature, even if I do get a little nostalgic about changing my name.

Christian and I planted 50 tulip bulbs around our yard last fall and they’re already starting to sprout! I can’t wait to see what they’ll look like since they were sort of tossed into random holes (cough, last-minute) before the ground froze. These early buds may have something to do with the warm, warm weather we’ve had, but, to me, it means only one thing: spring is on its way!

One of the ways I respond to high levels of stress (i.e. my wedding last fall) is not to sleep. Laying in bed counting down all the things that need to get done and try to will myself into a peaceful slumber is not one of the things in life that I really enjoy. These days I’m not planning a wedding, I’m not working (though some could say looking for a job is a full-time job in and of itself), I’m not stressed… but each night I lay my head down and I’m nailed with sleeplessness once again. Each night I come to bed with a new plan to get myself easily off into dream world only to be thwarted with memories from events, places and people I haven’t thought of in ages… wisps of summer vacations to my aunt and uncle’s house in Le Grand, IA, flashes back to dorm room conversations, replays of painful relationship moments – all just as vivid as if they had happened just last week. Details I’d forgotten like the exact layout of their living room, chatting through our dorm windows and final conversations all find themselves fully alive as I twist and turn in the sheets.

As bed time finally settles in, part of me is so frustrated listening to Christian quickly fall into snoozeville, while I lay there wondering what blast from the past will keep me from sleeping tonight? In part, it’s sort of wonderful to relive the happy memories in more detail than ever before, but it’s hard walking through painful moments… things that I wouldn’t choose to relive. Ever.

Starting tonight I’m going to try something new, pop a ibuprofen PM right before I hit the sheets and get up with Christian at the joyous hour of 5:15 in the morning. That way we’ll be on the same sleep schedule, maybe. And, with some luck it will work and I’ll be back to sleeping easy! Any tips on what you use to beat those sleepless nights?

I’m not one of those people that wants to sit down to a book only to find myself falling into a twisted story (while beautifully written) that in the end will only leave me wishing I hadn’t opened the book to begin with. I read to enjoy the words, to learn something or to find solace in something I can’t find outside of books. Books are like coming home – an escape from reality and a chance to live through something you otherwise would have missed.

Now that I’ve quit my job I’ve had a bit more time to read with less of an imposed bed time — meaning I’ve flown through 6 books in just about a month. What was it I was reading with such fervor?

See, a little of everything. With days like yesterday with the snow flakes spitting from the sky, nothing sounds better than curling up with a cup of hot apple cider and a book. Not sure what book is next on the list, any suggestions?

I aim to be the next Ansel Adams — or just, you know, document my culinary creations, travel adventures and Charles sleeping. Life is all about having big aspirations.

Every year December approaches with loads of anticipation, joy and hope for the holidays. And, each year the holidays come and go, followed shortly by New Year’s Eve. A night that’s legendary for exciting parties, magical happenings and romantic stolen kisses at midnight.

After Christmas passes I find myself disappointed and feeling a bit down. New Year’s with all its magical expectations leads to dashed hopes and a closet full of sparkly, now, slightly used dresses. The next morning you wake up… waiting for that fresh new year feeling when all that surrounds you feels exactly like the day before. The same laundry basket full of dirty socks, the same toothbrush in need of replacing and the same set of obligations needing to be fulfilled.

Instead of feeling ready for all that’s about to happen I feel a little like the excitement has passed and I’m just desperate to get it back. Despite my less than enthusiastic perspective on starting 2012, I’m ready to rock the heck out of this new year. I’d say I have some resolutions, but whenever you use the word resolution in front of some sort of a goal it seems that it is forever bound to fail. So in 2012 I don’t have any resolutions, but some overall ideas that I hope to make a reality.

Marriage. It’s only year one and I couldn’t be happier about that, learning to live together and enjoying every moment of it. Even if it does mean I’m living with a boy.

Health. At the end of the day being healthy isn’t about willpower, it’s about acting you age and doing what’s right. We’ll see if I can put down the bag of Oreo’s I’ve been eating during my Harry Potter marathon and start snacking on kale chips after long runs. Yeah? You feeling it?

Travel. I love to travel here, there and just about everywhere. We’ve already got an 11 day cruise booked for the Southern Caribbean during early March, but where else this year will lead is a total mystery. I’m hoping for somewhere great!

Home. We’ve got our house but I have to say it’s anything but a home. Ripping down all the warm, cozy Christmas decorations hurt my heart for the simple fact that my house is so empty and bare. Guess I’ll have to make a few trips to IKEA and get things in order. By this time next year let’s hope it really will be home sweet home.

Job. The end of 2011 was truly the end of an era for me. Leaving my past four years of employment behind… but with a whole new year ahead of me I’m looking forward to finding a position that excites me just as much as it challenges me. I’m ready to make a difference and work hard each day.

And, per usual this blog is on there and what awaits it in the coming year I’m not sure, maybe a re-design? For sure, more posting. Here’s to a great holiday season and the start of a year full of promise.

*Photo Credit: Juliana

I cried when I said goodbye my last day in the office and spent even longer crying on my hour and a half drive home. As ready and excited as I am for the next challenge, I’m nostalgic and sad to know I won’t get to spend a few minutes each day chatting with Amy in her festive office, getting great advice from Lori, laughing with Allen when he gets in, ichatting photos of cupcakes with Bethany or yelling back and forth between Jessica’s desk and my own.

So here’s to a sad goodbye and a celebration in moving forward. 2012 is a whole new year… and baby, I’m more than ready.

I want to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS. Take a moment to whip out the maternity pants (oh have I not told that story yet… it’s to come), eat some rum cake (you’ve never heard of rum cake? I’ll share the recipe), and spend time with the people who matter most. I love you all… each and every one and promise to be better in the new year.

Xoxo.

So, I accidentally quit Napblopomo. I didn’t get home until after 12 last night and didn’t have it in me to try and write a post — not to mention that it was after the time limit. In that moment of panicked realization a sort of calm came over me – I think I’m ok with quitting this.

I go between feeling like this was an inadvertently good decision to feeling like a failure. But, sometimes you just can’t do it all. As a testament to that here is what I’m up against:

Yesterday was my sisters birthday. Today, I helped my Mom rake all day and made dinner and a birthday cake (with Christian, who in this moment requested to be referred to as “the old man”), and my older brother is getting into town later tonight. Tomorrow, we have a b-day celebration lunch, family time and a trip to REI and Sports Authority. Monday, my aunt comes to town. Tuesday, snowboarding with the bro and Christian. Wednesday, I have to work and my friend Katrine who is from Norway, but is studying in CA for the semester arrives. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Friday, who knows. Saturday, we have appointments at the art museum for the King Tut exhibit. Sunday, church followed by packing for my trip.

I then have to be at the airport at 4:00 in the morning, on Monday, for a flight to Louisville — and a week of work awaits. Oh, did I mention there are some MAJOR changes at work and I feel like a chicken with my head cut off every time I open up my lap top? No, I didn’t? Well, I do.

All of these things aren’t BAD things, some of them are GREAT things, but they all in the end contribute to me running here and there, then over here again and back to there.

So you know, it’s probably a good thing that I quit. Because I’m already having nightmares (literally) and the stress level is a touch out of control. So, adios Nablopomo 2010, it’s been real.

*Photo by: programwitch